peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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