this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
