my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
