And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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