So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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