All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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