when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
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He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
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That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
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