I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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