There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
