Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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