I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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