Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
