Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
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Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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