Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
be right there i have to get my cape
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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