No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
be right there i have to get my cape
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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