I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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