Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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