I hate your face
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
