Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
