I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
