I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
the liver wants what the liver wants
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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