Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
