pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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