The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm getting married
To pizza
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
