I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
