Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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