the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
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She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
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I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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