Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
