R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I didn't notice because vodka
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
