Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
These tits shall not be calmed
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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