Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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