i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
