There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
