One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
