im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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