How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
