how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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