Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
