just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
