Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize