I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
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Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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