Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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