The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
