You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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