so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
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I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
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I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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