im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Someone came in the potted fern
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
