Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize