We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
