I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
