I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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