"it" just moved
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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