You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize