watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
