We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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