i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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