his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
