She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I don't deserve a penis
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
