help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
