i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
