I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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