I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I deserve this hangover.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
