god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
