Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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