I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
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I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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