nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
you had me at cake vodka
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
just found out that she named her cat after me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize