Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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